Attaining Inner Peace

My psychiatrist told me that the way to attain inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and never finished. So I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn’t finished and before I left the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of merlot, a bottle of while zinfandel, a bottle of bailey’s cream, a bottle of Kailua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheese cake, some Doritos and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how fucking good I feel.